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So yeah. Things with the roommates...I dont really know. I am definately not rooming with any of them next year, and I'm totally fine with their opinions and stuff about everything, but I dont understand why none of them NOT ONE didn't come to me and tell me what all the others were saying about me, when all five of us promised each other that if anything bothered any of us about someone else, we would tell them. I feel like I did my best to do that very thing with every single one of them..but I just didnt get that same respect, and I think I deserve that. They said that I was an attention hog, and so they would try extra hard for attention around guys...I didnt even notice that they were trying so hard, it didnt bother me at all, AND I didnt even notice that I was 'hogging' attention in the first place, so it would have been sort of nice for someone to tell me. So anyways, thats how I'm feeling right now...just a little bit of betrayl (spelling?!) and not a lot of unity with these girls. Do I still love them? Of course. They are probably the funnest girls I have ever had the chance to be with. I just wish that things would have ended differently. Maybe this is all my fault..and if it is, it definately wasn't intentional. I never ever thought "Hey you know what? Im feeling like I need extra attention today, so I think I'll go steal it from my best friends!" Why can't girls be more like guys? If a guy bugs another guy, hes not going to go tell all his guy friends...hes gonna talk to that guy, and tell him...even if he is rude about it, and they dont have a huge "heart felt" talk followed by tears and a hug (screw that), it GETS THE JOB DONE. That is my one and only respect to the male race. (just kidding guys) I feel like these are the only girl friends who I have ever really opened up to in talking about a fight or something. Usually in a situation like that, I would just stop hanging out with whoever I was fighting with, in fear of confrontation. But we actually talked, and I thought that would bring us a lot closer...I guess I was wrong. It will definately be a while till that happens again with any girl. I have these amazing trust issues that I have had basically my whole life, and I felt like those were going away. but now I feel them stronger than ever. This whole situation sort of makes me just want to close my emotions totally off and just be quiet in large crowds...I would rather do that then make someone feel inferior to me.
Anyway. I guess my point is that I am really going to try and be a better friend. To everyone and anyone who reads this, please tell me when I bother you.. I'm ready for it, and if I can't handle it...too bad. I really feel like I need this. I guess I'll just go to college with this state of mind- trying my best to be the best I can be toward other people, and see if things work out better than they did last year, because we all know it didnt go that great. I look forward to reading comments, hopfully contstructively critisizing me on ways that I could do better to be a friend. Thanks for reading tonight, Signing off, this is Melody Nelson.