I hate this mood....

I hate bringing other people down!!! I dont want to talk to people about this, because I feel bad bringing their good moods down by complaining to them, but I also hate writing about things like this in my journal, because I want people reading my journal in the future to be uplifted, ya know, so I dont like writing when I feel like this. I've got some issues that I just feel like they need to get out, and I'm at a loss of places to go to get them out. So here I am. No one reads this anyway, so this is a good way to get it out, and also to not bring anyone else down. Its a win-win situation.
First things first. I COULD HAVE GONE HOME THIS WEEKEND!!! I hate that feeling of wanting to go home SO bad, and not being able to, because of something stupid! I mentioned it to my mom on FRIDAY, and she told me that if I was willing to drive, I totally should have just done it. GR!
Next, There are these two girls who I was friends with last year in college, and I was going to live with them and all that jazz, but then things didnt go so well in the fall, so we all decided to not live together, and now for some reason they totally hate me and are trying to get other people to feel the way they do too! I dont know what I did wrong, but it obviously was really wrong. They also came over to my house and visited me the other night...I hate fake people so much, and they came over acting like everything was fine and dandy, which I dont get at all, so thats pretty much been eating at me since then.
Money is really starting to stress me out. Im thinking about getting a job, but then I wont have the kind of time to do the things I like to do. I guess thats pretty selfish of me, but I really dont feel like I have the energy to be working 20 hours a week as well as taking 12 credits..the least you can take, but still. I could be getting money for giving plasma, but...that brings me to my next issue...
My health. I've been having stupid health issues, and its really making me mad, especially because I could be making $40 a week selling plasma. Whatever..maybe its for the better..but I'm still going to try.
ADDISON....I miss my addison. I just wish I could be with him right now! its really hard to be so far apart..distance definately makes the heart grow fonder. Everyone asks about him, and its hard to explain whats going on between us right now, I guess the only people that really know are him and me..so yeah.
I feel like people are dumping their problems on me! Yeah, I love to listen to people, but when they just RELY on me to totally try to take care of all their problems all the time...BLAH! I hate being in the middle of the whole drama thing and trying to fix things between people!
LAST thing of my complain party- I dont really feel like I have someone here to listen to me! I miss my great friends at home who know me SO well, who would sit and talk to me until 5 in the morning if I wanted them to! They know who they are too--I MISS YOU.
On top of all this, my roommate and one of my best friend's here just hooked up, so I feel like that little trio that we had there has become a duo and a solo...
So anyways, I feel a little better now....Im gonna go lay on my bed and listen to music or study.

OH no guys! Im a fat kid!!!

So last week I tried to go give plasma, but they WOULDNT LET ME, because my blood pressure was too high! Then.....We went hottubbing last night, and when i got out my eyes kept blacking out. But I didnt want to sit down though because I didnt want to get the couch wet and I still had my swimmin suit on! My face got really white and one of the guys like, came up behind me and took me to sit down and then got me some wata, and then I talked to a nurse about it today, and she said that since my Blood pressure has been high lately, it got really low in the hottub, and then when I got out it tried to get back to normal and it was just too much. High blood pressure is bad! Im going to check it everyday for a week, and if it continues to be high, I have to start a strict diet and workout schedule. eeeeew! Anyways, thats my story for today! Thanks for reading. Join Melody's Health Log next week.

What a life.

Have you ever had a day, and at the end, you can't feel your emotions? I have heard people say this before, and I havent been able to relate to these feelings until just now. 3:28 AM. Things are changing, but they are changing for the better...but the next few weeks will be hard. Its one of those things that is just too perfect to be real, ya know? Alright. I just had to write something. Im going to bed now.

Personal Creed Document

So i had to do this assignment for a class where I pick ten issues, or principles that I have a passion for, or believe strongly in. I wanted to share them.

-Honesty is being truthful in all things. It is crucial to live a righteous life. It is a commandment from the Lord to His children. Honesty is an important issue to me, because I am striving to be obedient.
-Family should be your best friends. They are the people you have known your whole life. They will always be your family. You can’t change that. Blood, however, is not the only form of family. You can’t see family ties- you feel them.
-Friendship, like family, should be there for you. Friendship is the step after acquaintance. Friendship is formed by finding joy in opposition or comfort in similarities in other people.
-Marriage is bringing a man and a woman together in complete union when they are in love. The first step in finding a marital companion is finding a friend! My dad says “the people you date are the kind of person that you will eventually marry.” Marriage is vital for Celestial Glory. It is somewhat frightening, but it will feel right at the appropriate time. It is a life long (and longer) commitment. DON’T RUSH MARRIAGE!
-Spontaneity is not planning, but doing things on a ‘whim’ when and where you want to. It can be fun and good, but it can be bad if there is too much. Planning is good as well- there should be a good balance between the two. I am spontaneous, but there are some things I would not do on a whim, such as getting married.
-Parenthood is having a responsibility to raise your children righteously. Something that people (for some reason) believe that I will be very good at. It’s scary, but I anxiously (but patiently) anticipate having children. Patience in parenting is absolutely necessary.
-Forgiveness is forgetting the wrongdoings that may have happened in the past. Another commandment from Jesus Christ. “Judge not lest ye be judged.” Refusal to forgive is a form of judging others. If you cannot forgive others, you will not be forgiven.
-Fun. I believe that fun is vital to living. You must manage your time in order to have ‘guiltless’ fun. It may sound cliché, but its only fun if everyone is having fun. Fun is the icing on the cake that is life.
-Self Esteem. Without it, you are not complete, but with too much of it, you are prideful. There is a perfect balance that is needed, love of your self, with a sense of humility. No one can GIVE you self esteem-they can assist, but only you can find the love for your self inside.
-Love starts with friendship. Love is selfless and it’s not something that happens to you, its something you DO. Love can be scary, because if you don’t work at it, the love can die. It’s a continuous effort that goes on forever.

The classes that I am taking this term are making me so happy. I have always had a problem with myself. I have always had a demeaning sense of non-originality within myself. I felt like I never thought for myself, and that I just copied off other people's thoughts. When I would lay in bed at night, I wouldnt think, I would just lay there and finally slip into sleep. The last week has been such a transition for me. I finally realized everything that is happening last night, and it was so overwhelming in such a good way, I got so emotional. I guess thats a good thing sometimes, right? So I feel pretty good about that.

Well, addison got off work about 20 minutes ago, so he should be calling me anytime now. Thanks for reading. Have a nice day!

Im back in Rexburg!

Well Here I am writing from little Rexburg Idaho! Back to school. I have to do something with my life. Im actually living in an apartment this year though, which is a pretty big step up from the dorms, so I'm happy.

I am happy.

I can honestly say that. I am content! I love my life just the way it is right now, except I would like there to be a way to see the one I love, which is of course, Addison. Surprisingly, we are doing very well. I thought it would be so much harder for us to be apart, I thought we would be fighting a lot, just being scared of losing each other, but so far its pretty good. You should see the pictures from prom...HERE----

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/kandyra714/album?.dir=7125&.src=ph&store=&prodid=&.done=http%3a//pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/kandyra714/my_photos

I have not even been gone a week, but it seems like its been so much longer than that since I've seen everyone! I really enjoy my roommates though. we just got done playing a card game, which was really fun. I have been seeing so many people that I havent seen for such a long time, its crazy. I thought I would come here and have no friends or no life, because I dont know anyone Im living with, but surprisingly, I have been busy seeing people all week! I love it!

All aspects of my life are going well though. I have INCREDIBLE friends at home, which made it really hard to leave, but I think leaving makes me appreciate them even more. I have an amazing family who will support me in anything that I do, and who love me, and now, Im living with awesome girls, and LEARNING! What more could I ask for? Seriously guys, I really think we take some things for granted.

I dont even think anyone reads this anymore...haha. Thats ok, I like to write.